Intro. to my book AGAIN

Opposition

I cannot think of permanent enmity between man and man, and believing as I do in the theory of reincarnation, I live in the hope that if not in this birth, in some other birth I shall be able to hug all of humanity in friendly embrace.
Mahatma Gandhi

I have been contrary all of my life. I rarely did or said what was expected. Honestly, among most of my peers I am the mildest. I am not extreme in appearance or attitude but how I think is out of the ordinary. As usual, I am not about changing minds; I am about integrity in the face of opposition. If I try to be honest and truthful and if what I say belies one’s belief-system, I feel I am like a mirror – one can see who they are or who they are or are not in me. I do not need anyone to agree with me or believe what I believe. I am not trying to convince anyone of anything. I am simply writing my truth. I love writing and I adore this subject-matter, reincarnation, but I am very aware that it is considered controversial. The thing is – controversy never stopped me. I am so willing to “push the envelope,” I am willing to go the distance.

Once I had an affair with a gay man. No, he was not bi-sexual, he was gay. Confused? Since then, he has been in a relationship with another man for more than ten years. I got flack from gay and straight people. Did that stop me? People have a very difficult time with blurred definitions. I understand that people need to believe in categories. At times these categories resonate with one’s behaviour and at times they do not. I believe these categories are often constructed, a fiction: Possibilities and options are limited – ways of being are limited. Obviously, many people do resonate with their definitions. To stretch our minds is good. At times certain definitions just do not fit.

If my actions made my life harder or if they would prevent me from carrying on, I am not sure what I would do but I have been blessed with a constitution and life-force full of fortitude. I am very resistant to opposition, I am very strong. Not thinking or believing what other people do is habit. I tend to resist what most consider the norm. That is why I can write this book. In many ways, I am preaching to the converted and in many ways, I am in complete opposition to fundamental beliefs.

I am more about layering codes than dichotomies. What that means is, I prefer blending realities rather than separating them. To me, nothing is cut and dried. There are no absolutes. No givens. If someone is hoping for a black and white definition of reincarnation, I highly doubt they will get it. To me, partiality reigns. All I know is that there are glimpses and fragments of knowledge. We are not privy to the whole picture. We are accordingly limited by our senses. To find evidence of this, look at various animals and their realities. The world of the fish in the fishbowl is the fishbowl. All it knows is some “hand” feeding it. This could be magical or omniscient to a fish. The fish is severely limited by its environment, senses, etc. So moving on from this, I understand that I can only know so much. I am a fish in a fishbowl. I am limited and any quest of mine is circumspect. I can explore the unknown, the mysterious, other notions. I can observe the hand that feeds me, my fishbowl. I can know a warped reality, a skewed perspective. I do not believe in concepts that invoke ideas of the real, the solid or the secure. Things that are shaky or wobbly feel more appropriate.

I enjoy stability in my life but I am unfazed by change or difference. I find the qualities that involve the so-called strange appealing. I know that some people find my attitude kooky or weird. Being set-apart or anomalous is great to me. I prefer the fringe or edge. Tremendous power resides in deciding to be oneself – whatever that entails. It might be very contrary to others and it takes strength and courage to own one’s truth. Bravery exists in many different areas. It can be small – a child in the playground standing up to a bully, – or large, like Martin Luther King, Jr.

Personally, I truly believe that standing up for oneself has great value. Putting oneself in harms way because of a decision to manifest integrity can, and often is, a real possibility. I believe the alternative is worse. Challenging dominant ideas is fraught with danger. It might just be easier to surrender, to be defeated, but where is the fun in that? The decision to own power is, well, powerful. I keep thinking of Rosa Parks: “…an unknown seamstress in Montgomery, Alabama refused to give up her bus seat to a white passenger. This brave woman, Rosa Parks, was arrested and fined for violating a city ordinance, but her lonely act of defiance began a movement that ended legal segregation in America, and made her an inspiration to freedom-loving people everywhere.” Power, inspiration and possibility: Incredible. We can all make a difference. Just because one’s life may feel ordinary, it is important to know that we are capable of the wondrous. A decision not to give up a seat can change thoughts, attitudes and ways of being; ways of understanding. A small gesture can lead to a revolution. We are all capable of impacting others and we are meaningful beyond our current or obvious circumstances. It might be impossible to see the big picture; so we need to follow our guts and hearts. Recently, I was seated to eat near the kitchen in a restaurant. I am currently disabled and in a wheelchair. My mother said it reminded her of segregation. I will never let this happen again. I will insist on being seated elsewhere. An out of sight, out of mind mentality will not apply to me. That this mentality by others continues to pervade is astonishing.

Are you aware in the early-to-mid 1900’s it was illegal to be “found ugly” on the streets of some mainstream American cities like Chicago, Illinois (Chicago Municipal Code, sec. 36034) and Omaha, Nebraska (Unsightly Beggar Ordinance Nebraska Municipal Code of 1941, sec. 25) and Columbus, Ohio (General Offense Code, sec. 2387.04)?

Your punishment for being caught (in) public ranged from incarceration to fines of up to $50.00 USD for each ugly offense.

Here’s how the Chicago Municipal Code described and enforced The Ugly Law:

No person who is diseased, maimed, mutilated or in any way deformed so as to be an unsightly or disgusting object or improper person to be allowed in or on the public ways or other public places in this city, or shall therein or thereon expose himself to public view, under a penalty of not less than one dollar nor more than fifty dollars for each offense.

The goal of Ugly Laws was allegedly to preserve the pretty facade of the community. The disabled, the indigent and the poor were a part of society, but nobody wanted to deal with them and fewer still wanted to actually look at them. So laws were passed to keep the deformed — especially those with Cerebral Palsy and other disfiguring diseases — inside and out-of-sight.

The way I think and the way I look now will just have to be dealt with.

Lipstik Indie review - 'You Never Know: A Memoir'

reviewed by Carolina Smart

August 2008

When was the last time you read a book that moved you? Made you laugh one minute, cry the next, question yourself after reading a passage or had you think hard about your own mortality? The last book that moved me this way was "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold. "You Never Know: A Memoir", a biographical story, about the traumatic events that changed Romy Shiller's life for ever, is the book that took me on that turbulent roller coaster ride.



As the reader, you are taken along on the journey with Romy. She allows you a glimpse into her life, past, present and hopefully her future. As you ride along you will laugh, cry and clap for this extraordinary woman. Her story makes you think hard about how precious life is and how it can change in a fraction of a second. Many would have crumbled under these circumstances but Romy Shiller rises to the occasion over and over again.



You Never Know is an inspirational book that everyone should read, as it proves to you, that determination and a will to rise above should never be doubted and Romy Shiller will prove it to you.



Bio


Romy Shiller is a pop culture critic and holds a PhD in Drama from the University of Toronto. Her academic areas of concentration include film, gender performance, camp and critical thought. She lives in Montreal where she continues her writing.

Watch Romy on CBC News: Sunday.

http://www.lipstikindie.com/

UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO MAGAZINE review 'You Never Know: A Memoir'

Autumn 2008

A Memoir of Courage

Romy Shiller (MA 1992, PHD 1999) Strains to speak, throwing her whole head into every word. Once an able-bodied actress and academic, the fallout from a brain tumour and subsequent coma has left her confined to a wheelchair and struggling with basic movement. But Shiller,has found a new voice through her passion for writing. She recently self-published her memoir, You Never Know, which she typed with "one bent finger."

Intense headaches sent Shiller to a Toronto hospital in 2003, where she was told that she had a brain tumour. Doctors soon performed surgery to remove it. After an additional operation to drain fluids collecting in her brain, Shiller descended into a five-month coma. When she awoke, she was afflicted with Akinetic Mutism, a partial paralysis that made it difficult to speak or move. Shiller progressed slowly, first squeezing her mother's hand and then blinking. Her first post-coma word was "no." Before the coma, Shiller had earned both a master's degree and doctorate in drama from U of T, studied voice at the Royal Conservatory of Music and performed "female to female drag" with The Greater Toronto Drag King Society.

You Never Know includes Shiller's contemplations on pop culture and psychic phenomena, and traces her ongoing recovery, which includes daily physiotherapy and speech therapy. Shiller, who lives in Montreal - close to her family and aided by full-time caregivers - accepts where she is now. As she recently observed, "On the whole, I feel incredibly fortunate. My life could be very ordinary, which would be fine, but in fact it is extraordinary."

- Sarah Treleaven



http://www.magazine.utoronto.ca/08autumn/alumninotes.asp#memoir

The Canadian Jewish News review - 'You Never Know: A Memoir'

Disabled author asks that we look beyond the physical

By JANICE ARNOLD, Staff Reporter



Thursday, 29 May 2008



MONTREAL - Romy Shiller was a fit, health-conscious woman, held a PhD and a creative job she loved, and valued her independence. At 37, all that changed dramatically.


In 2003, she was diagnosed with a non-malignant, but life-threatening brain tumour. Surgery was naturally risky, but she was told she would likely be back at work in 15 weeks.

Shiller came through the eight-hour operation at a Toronto hospital, but a few days later, following a procedure to ease drainage, she lapsed into a six-month coma. Doctors told her parents to prepare for the worst.


After gradually regaining consciousness, she could not speak for weeks more and survived on a feeding tube for 11 months.
Five years later, she still has major physical disabilities (a word she does not shrink from). She uses a wheelchair, the left side of her body is weak, movement on the other side is difficult to control, speech does not come easily, vision in her one sighted eye can be wonky, and care must be taken in chewing and swallowing.


Perhaps hardest to accept for a woman who was very conscious of her looks, who had acted and sung professionally, her face has altered.
Shiller has just published a memoir You Never Know, a frank and good-humoured account of her long road back to some semblance of normalcy. She reveals a fatalism that has granted her the serenity to accept - more or less - what has happened, while determinedly working to regain as much as she can.


Her resilience and positivism have surprised her. She hopes her example will help others coping with disabilities and illness, as well as change the attitudes of the well and able about what makes a life worth living.


"I know my current situation is quite dire to many people, and I have left quite a bit behind, but the alternative is harsher. I am here, and no matter how yucky it gets, this is so much better to me than nothing," she writes.


Writing the book was a labourious task, not because she found it hard to find the words, but because she could type with only one finger, and a bent one, at that. She had been a writer on pop culture before getting sick.


After years of hospitalization and rehabilitation and then living with her parents back in her hometown of Montreal, she recently moved into her own apartment, managing with the aid of full-time attendants. She continues to work daily with a team of therapists.


Her sharp intellect, memory and lively personality are intact.


Shiller insists she is not angry or depressed about her situation. In fact, she calls herself blessed and finds that she laughs now more than she ever did. And she is not on any mood-enhancing medications, she notes.


"I am not always happy, but I do manage," she writes.


Shiller knows she is lucky to have parents, Lillian and Bryant, who are able to provide for her emotionally and materially (the memoir is dedicated to her mother who was at her bedside daily while she was comatose), two supportive brothers and a circle of good friends.


Although not religious in the strict sense, her Jewish identity and knowledge of her maternal grandparents' Holocaust survival give her strength. She is a believer in prayer and psychic phenomenon.


Shiller, a single woman, was always unconventional; her dissertation was on theatrical drag. She had an open mind about the off-beat.


She muses that this understanding of what it means to be marginalized may have helped her to adjust to her condition today. She impishly refers to herself as being in "disability drag", but pain underlies the self-deprecation.


Her message is serious: don't judge people by their physicality.


She is frustrated by how she is often misperceived, even by those who mean well. Too many think her mind must be as impaired as her body. She senses the condescension and discomfort.


Romy decided to launch You Never Know in a public venue and, though it was a trial, to speak there.


She wrote: "What I think I have is insight, which I am more than happy to share. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me now. I do not want pity. I do want respect, compassion, empathy."


She wants people to know that her life may not be a bed of roses, but she is coping. "Maybe I am just more aware of the possibilities for happiness than I used to be. That is not to say everything is dandy. It is not, but I do, to use an old cliché, see light at the end of the tunnel. Not only that, but I find ‘the light' in the here and now."


A percentage of the sale of You Never Know will be donated to the Brain Tumour Foundation of Canada.

http://www.cjnews.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=14723&Itemid=86

LIPSTIK INDIE review of my book 'AGAIN' - an exploration of Reincarnation

reviewed by Carolina Smart

Several months ago I reviewed Romy Shiller’s wonderfully inspirational book ‘You Never Know’. ‘You Never Know’, is a biographical story about the traumatic events that changed Romy Shiller’s life. It was beautifully written, sending a powerful message and leaving me to think about my own fate in this world.

When I received ‘Again’ I was just as eager to crack open the cover to see what journey I was about to take next with Romy. Once again I found myself hooked right from the beginning. Using her own experiences and knowledge on the subject, we are taken into the world of Reincarnation. Many books currently on the shelves relating to this subject are hard to understand and very tedious to read for the layperson. Romy Shiller’s approach will have anyone with a curious mind on the subject matter fully engorged and craving for more.

I myself am an avid reader on everything relating to the Occult. This isn’t an Occult based book, rather one that uses Romy’s experiences with Reincarnation to help the reader fully understand not only what it really is, but the spiritual aspects to it. As a reader you will become emotionally attached, as you take yet another wonderful journey with this amazing and intuitive writer.

I strongly suggest for those of you interested in learning about Reincarnation, start with this book before you start reading the complicated texts that most will recommend. However, be prepared to be knocked off your feet with the emotional journey this book takes you on.

Romy Shiller is a force to be reckoned with and I am once again looking forward to her next book.

http://www.lipstikindie.com/